All eyes (and jokes) are on Chads

Guys named Chad lived in relative obscurity until the election. Now, they're everywhere.

The Roanoke Times

    Forget those punch-hole pieces of paper upon which the presidential election is precariously perched. We're talking about real, living, breathing Chads .

    Chads who, up until a few weeks ago, never knew their name might determine the outcome of the never-ending presidential race.

    I thought I'd lived a pretty normal life with the name of Chad until I went out last week, said Chad Durham, a 28-year-old who owns design business in Roanoke. Then he told someone at Macado's his name. And the chad-tizing began.

    Dimpled chad! (he has no dimples), Pregnant chad! (he's never been pregnant), Half-chad! (he's all there), Half-punched chad! (he has been punched), and Hanging chad! (he does hang out). The barflies were relentless. For the next few beers, Durham's punch-hole name was the punchline of every joke.

    To make matters worse, when he quizzed his mom on his name's origin, he learned about an earlier mishap involving chads in Florida.

    My mom told me I was mistakenly conceived in Daytona Beach. And to think he would have never known if it weren't for a few scraps of paper.

    And the origin of his useless paper name?

    He thinks it was from Chad Everett, a studly actor who played Dr. Joe Gannon in the 1970s television show Medical Center.

    Incidentally, all the dozen or so Chads contacted for this story were 25 to 30 years old. Durham's mom wasn't the only woman who thought Everett was dreamy.

    Chad Barbour, also named after Everett, has received the same treatment at his job as a computer specialist at Trigon.

    One guy said, 'If you were a member of a nudist colony, you would be a hanging chad,' said 25-year-old Barbour.

    Though Barbour voted Libertarian, he jokingly hopes that people now realize the relevance of Chads.

    I think this has brought out Chad awareness everywhere, he said. It makes people realize the importance of Chads in our lives and how Chads can change the world and possibly the election.

    While the name Chad may now have the same dubious history as Monica, it almost was removed from the American Heritage Dictionary's latest edition where it sits, lower-cased, in front of the African country of the same name.

    This is all giving Chads a bad name, said Chad Achilles, a 26-year-old medical resident who used to only get ribbed about his last name. A co-worker told him that Chads were only good for taking up space.

    I'm trying not to feel useless , trying to keep my head up, joked Chad Van Hyning, a 30-year-old Roanoke lawyer.

    The formal name, Chadwick, has Celtic roots and means brave or warrior.

    But most of the Chads interviewed said they didn't fit that bill, describing themselves as reserved.

    That doesn't fit me, Chad Martin, a 26-year-old advertising salesman with The Roanoke Times, said of his moniker's meaning.

    No word from the famous Chads such as actor Chad Lowe, or the 500-some pound Sumo wrestler Chad Rowen, or the Philadelphia Eagles starting tight Chad Lewis.

    But with the little chads being the deciding factor in who is going to be the 43rd president, Roanoke loan officer and Republican Chad King knows one thing.

    It's a bad time to be Chad for a Republican.