news you can use

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes

    Life sucks, I lent a guy ten grand to get plastic surgery, and now I don't know what he looks like.

    A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus over-turned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that the onlookers were "stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumfounded."

     A midget sidles up to a tall blonde and says, "Hey, what do you say to a little fuck?" She says, "Hello, you little fuck."

    Did you hear about the new blonde paint? It's not real bright, but it's cheap, and spreads easy.

    How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes pile up. How can you tell if your husband is dead? The sex is the same but you get the remote.

    What's the difference between Pee-wee Herman and O.J.? It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.

    I saw a bumper sticker on a pickup truck the other day that read, "Jesus is my best friend." Boy, the guy's dog must be pissed.

    What happened to the Polish rocket ship? At 500 feet it ran out of coal.

    What does a Polish woman do after she sucks a cock? Spits out the feathers.

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