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cocoon i’ve created Janet Kuypers 4/14/12 it depresses me to the point of convalescence feeling alone even in a crowded room full of people wherever i am out like this, i enjoy being in a bar by myself when i’ve got no one else, so i stay in my world and drink no, never to the point of near unconsciousness there’s not enough liquor i just like being away, and sort of escaping like this but even though i live it, even though i drink like this when i’m alone I just feel most comfortable this way, when i’m in a crowded room full of strangers i avoid them drinking my beer and staying in the cocoon i’ve created it may seem lonely, it may seem desperate but what are my options? i can feel trapped alone, think there’s something wrong because i’m reduced to drinking alone, wallowing in depression but even though it costs more, it’s better out here like this really what do i need company for in a bar anyway? i’ve even got a business card that i got from the museum of contemporary art that says Dear Friend, I am not here to pick anyone up, or to be picked up. I am alone because I want to be here, ALONE. and the card is meant to be given to people who want to pick you up at a bar, saying, really, no offense, but just let me be, and you can give the card as a nice (albeit weird) gesture to be left alone. i don’t know. maybe i’m saying that i want to be alone because i am and i hate having to search people out and the thing is, i hate it that all of the good-looking suitors aren’t rushing up to me, aren’t knocking on my hypothetical door, just to be able to talk to me. i don’t know. maybe it’s just me. maybe i don’t need these business cards to tell people to leave me alone. i’ll just sit here and let the world go by.

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