excuse me. Ive been driving for a while.
I just got out of college a few months ago. Just got my degree. I feel important now. I know the career Ive studied for. Now Ive got to get the job of my dreams.
I am a 28 year old woman.
I look out my window and see that insanely tall man walking down the street with the girlfriend thats five foot two, & I wonder if this girl has a father-figure complex, & I wonder if this guy needs a small girl that he can break into two pieces, or if he needs to feel dominant over everything in his life...
Isnt the tall white male dominant over everything already?
So I wonder: why is this insanely short girl dating this insanely tall man? Why are they taking from the gene pool these (albeit neanderthal) men from us tall women? Is this fair? How do I have a chance at a tall man when these short barbie doll women stop me before I can start?
I see these images, these people, walking down the street hand in hand, and I wonder: how do I get that image I dream of, how do I get the dozen roses, how do I get that box of chocolates on Valentines Day, Hell, Ill settle for Sweetest Day, how do I get those generic symbols of love? How do I get there?
I see all of this harted at a time that is supposed to be good & I wonder where that light at the end of the tunnel is & I wonder where that clouds silver lining is. & I try to remember what love is like, & I try to remember the hearts and candies and flowers and sunsets & all that other crap that is supposed to make you happy. & I try to remember those Harlequin romance novels that I never read, where someone is rescuing the damsel, riding away on a white horse in to the sunset & I wonder, Where is that in real life? How do I get there?
How do I get out of this cycle? How do I get out of this downward spiral?
You see, Ive got this road map. Ive seen how families work. My mom and dad are still together. People want to hook up, people want to get together, people want to procreate. Its human nature.
Consider the stars, so small, so unfathomable. So beautiful in the night sky. How do we understnad this love for what we always see in the starts, what is always just out of reach? How do we get there?
I think everyone loves the moon. We hear of romance under the moonlight. I remember looking at the moon through a telescope when I was 6 years old. And historically, scientifically, I think everyone was transfixed to their televisions or radios when man first landed on the moon, there seemed to be a moment of awe, and inspiration, and amazement when there was that one small step for man, that one giant leap for mankind.
Scientists have deduced (in trying to guess how this planet got a moon, and how necessary it is for our weather patterns), that when the moon was first formed (one theory was that it was formed off a rogue planet they call Orpheus), that the moon was first much, much closer to Earth when it was first formed than it is today, that it may have been only 14,000 miles away, and not at the current almost 240,000 mile distance its at now.
Laurie Anderson, while studying with NASA as their Artist-in-Residence, learned from scientists at NASA during the cold war and during this countrys desire for nuclear testing, they considered setting off nuclear bombs on the dark side of the moon. Because, you see, no one sees that side of the moon, and the radiation would be a safe distance from the Earth.
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how do i get there
This gas station is the first sign of life Ive seen.
Weve been looking for
196 North Macintosh court for a while. The directions said we had to take a left on the street we were just on a few miles ago, but Macintosh court isnt there. Theres a Macintosh street, and Mapquest told me of a Macintosh Avenue, but an avenue would be going the wrong way. I...
Im really confused.
Youre the only attendant, here... Youre the only one that can help me.
This is the address.
How do I get there?
I filled out a ton of resumes. Got a few calls back. Now ive got my first interview. Ive got my interview jacket on. I answer all of the questions right.
I see the offices. I think:
excuse me.
This is what I should have.
Am I doing this right?
How do I get there?
I am doing well on my own.
Im the one with the car. Im the one with the plan.
People always look to me for answers.
I look around me. I am pleased.
And then I see my high school friends, married, sometimes with their high school sweetheart, and with a kid or two.
Different life from me.
Ive been the beacon all along, but here I am, on top of the mountain, the one with the answers,
alone.
And I think: hey, Im a girl. Maybe I should want that. Maybe I should want that white paicket fence and the two point three kids, and that man I can lean on so I dont have to be the beacon.
I look down at myself, and I think: this is what I am. I look at these suburban families, & I think: is this what I should want? My clock is ticking. See this? This should be my plan. Who will sweep me off my feet? Where is my man? Where is that dream? How do I get there?
Spread the seed. Tend to the flock.
Hallmark even added Sweeteat day to the holiday mix, in a different season than Valentines Day, so that peopled have another time of year to be mushy and gushy and romantic with one another.
Anything to boost sales of flowers, and candies, and cards.
Anything to increase sales.
And you know, I see these generic stereotypes about love, and sometimes I feel like I should be a part of that, that I should get those bon bons, or truffles, or whatever candy youre normally supposed to get on Valentines Day, and you know, I dont even really like eating candies, but damnit, the sentiment is there, and I want that sentiment. I want to know how to find love, cause damnit, Ive been looking. And I dont know what to tell myself any longer. How do I get there?
We go to the moon, and try to learn, We send rockets to Saturns moon Titan, to learn what our planet might have been like when this solar system was created. We want to learn. We want to understand. Because we are in love.
Astronomers now estimate that because of gravitys change, the moon, every year, is a mile and a half farther away from the earth. If you remember the moon looking so big when you looked at the night sky when you were little, well, you may have been right.
When I heard that, I thought: what would setting nuclear explosions on half of the moon do to its orbit? What would that do to its effect on our weather? And consider the earthquake that caused the Tsunami in Asia a few months ago slowed the rotation of the planet for a second - so would these explosions on the moon affect our rotation, or possibly our orbit?
And then I thought: why would anyone, ever, want to destroy a heavenly body we so need and dont know enough about? Why would anyone want to destroy something that so many people are so infatuated with, that so many people revere?
Astronomy is like a forbidden love affair, something you can never reach, but something you can always hope for, something you can always admire from afar. Something whose constancy can give you hope, even if only when youre standing outside in the night and looking up at its perennial beauty.
U.S. Government Copyright
Chicago poet Janet Kuypers
on all art and all writings on this site completed
before 6/6/04. All rights reserved. No material
may be reprinted without express permission.
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