Really Physically Heal
(2017 edit)
Janet Kuypers
8/1/06, edited 7/29/17 and 7/29/17 for 8/5/17 show
I’m an X Files junkie
still, years after the series finale
and I just recently watched
one of my favorite episodes
where Scully meets with a woman
affiliated with The American Taoist Healing Center
even though Scully is a medical doctor
and a scientist
she had to ask about a friend who was ill
you see, he had heart problems
and this man, this medical doctor
analyzed his symptoms
and admitted himself into the hospital
and shortly after he was admitted
he almost died, but was saved
well, Scully asked this woman
is he could be dying
from a more serious condition
that something in his soul might not be settled
and this woman that worked with the Taoist Healing Center
told Scully that she used to be a physicist,
she was successful
and all that time she thought that she was happy
but she had only cut herself off
from the rest of the world
and she was dying inside
she was in a relationship with another woman
but she couldn’t tell anyone about it
for fear of their reactions
and eventually she found out
she had breast cancer
and although the cancer is bad,
this woman said it was the cancer
that got her attention
where she then saw her destructive life she led
and after seeing a healer
who taught her to let go of her shame
and finally be at peace
well, that was when her cancer went into remission
and everyone looks for answers to problems
to be packaged in a nice little box
with a bow on top
that can just make everything better
but it takes a lifetime of understanding
to be able to not let illness effect you that way
and I’ve seen this episode before
but seeing it now, in these circumstances
knowing that my mother was dying form cancer
and there was nothing I could do about it
well, hearing this fictional woman say these words
made me almost think, almost start to panic:
maybe my mother had lived parts of her life
that she did not like,
that she did not want
but she did them because this was her life
and she had a role to play
I know she loves her husband
and I know she loves her children
but I really started thinking
that maybe there are things
unsettled in her psyche
that she needs to make better
and then she may be able
to really physically heal
I told my husband about this X Files episode
and I told my husband what I thought,
maybe there was something mom
had to settle with in her life, in her soul
maybe she had to come to peace
with some unknown something
and he looked at my doe eyes and said no, Janet, no
he said I’m sure she doesn’t feel anything like that
maybe I’m just grasping at straws
because she’s still fighting the cancer
and waiting to die
but I want to be that crazy one
exhausting every source
investigating every option
I’ll take an idea from a tv show
I’ll take anything I can get
because it just made me think
that maybe, if the key is
coming to peace with everything in your life,
maybe then all the demons will go away
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