Visiting and Seeing
the Signs
Janet Kuypers
2/4/19
My grandmother was moving away.
I was out of town, so I could only call —
and when I got on the phone,
I told her I would be visiting
where she was moving to,
I could see her in maybe six months.
We didn’t talk much as I got older,
so right about when we were going
to get off the phone, she said
“I love you.” And I said, “I love you too.”
I never get this way, but
after I hung up that phone, I cried.
After that, for three days when I
would walk down the street or look
out every window, I would see
clouds of black birds and feathers
in my darkened skies. Every time
I walked outside, a biblical apocalypse
swarmed over me, and for the life
of me I didn’t know why. After 3 days
I went back to visit my siblings
living only a 2-hour drive away, before
I took a flight to see my parents.
And when I walked through that door
to see my sister, my father
was there. I walked down the marble
tiled floor to meet him and hug,
and when we embraced, I said,
“Grandma’s dead.” Because
the heavens were giving me the signs
for days, while she was fighting
with her doctors to check her again,
and because they wouldn’t
listen to an old white woman
her symptoms weren’t treated
and she died before I even came back.
I know I cried for her days ago,
but I will cry for her again and again,
and now I will not question
when I am shown the signs again.
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